Nothing but a Weapon
by CBREL
Summary: Another one of Zim's plans have gone wrong, but this time all of the universe is at stake. The return of Tak, Zim's sanity and the sanity of Dib's new ally may cause the death of the Human and Irken races alike, proving that no one should ever interfere with the Universe's most unstable rivalry. Contains violence, OC, and NO ROMANCE. Not sure when I'm updating!
1. Prologue

Nothing but a Weapon

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **This is a collaborative with FlameDragonOfDoom, and will later on be used in HER story, The Legacy of Zim. It's also the first time I've done a fanfiction. I appreciate critique immensely! Right now this is just the prologue, and FlameDragonOfDoom and I are in the works of Chapter one.

This will be a NON-ROMANCE fan-fiction. And there will be much, much violence. Just warning. Also, I'm sorry, but there will be an OC in here. I know how much everyone LOVES OC's but I promise you that she is anything but a Mary-Sue. XD So enjoy!

* * *

**Prologue**

I had always been afraid of the dark, and never really knew why. I suppose after tonight, I'll have a reason.

I've been staring into her eyes for what seems like forever. The glassy orbs that no longer hold my mother in them. The eyes that will never see again.

The part of her mutilated face that was torn off is dripping quietly on to the dusty hardwood floor. I can't understand. I don't know why. What had she done to deserve this? What had I done? All I want is for her to wake up and surprise me. For her to hug me, to let me know everything would be okay. Like on my birthday a few months ago. My birthday. Did that even happen? I can't focus on happiness. I don't think I can ever be happy again. And after tonight, it doesn't seem like any part of my life could have ever have been happy. I feel almost guilty for any good times we had shared, knowing I could never relive any experience we had together. My mother. She lay there limp. Those eyes, clouded over, dull. I can't ever forget them.

It's getting brighter in this house. I suppose it's day finally. It is bitter. I had thought I would just wake up from this deathly nightmare and find my mother alive and well. The sunlight makes this terrifying reality.

The day enables me to see clearly, but I don't want to look around me. I can't. The only things I can see are those dull marbles in her head. I never want to take my eyes away. I want her eyes to be the last thing I ever see, the way my eyes were the last things she saw.

I could see the events of the previous night unfold in the eyes of my mother. They were there, and my mind relived it as clear as I had ever remembered everything.

I had been sleeping, a peaceful sleep. Dreaming of flying, something happy. Gazing up at the stars with a friend. I didn't want to leave the dream. But my friend-whoever they were, kept nudging me. Getting louder and louder. Yelling at me to get under my bed. The voice carried strong urgency, and I forced myself awake.

Somehow I realized my mother was there. I was groggy; I couldn't see straight. I felt warm arms pick me up and gently push me underneath the bed. All I could remember was "stay there," and a kiss on the cheek.

Then there was the sound of shattering, and I forced myself to wake up enough to pay attention.

My mother's feet could be seen from under the bed where I lay, and she whispered a word I didn't know. Then she screamed it. Other feet fell to the ground right before her, dangerously close to my mother's. They were blown back by a force I could not see. I saw him fall to the ground, his back facing me.

All I could tell was that he was skinny, wearing lots of black, and wore some odd symbol I could barely see. Something shined in a farther distance on the floor. He shot up and pounced for the object, which reminded me of the kitchen knives that Aunt Tenna would never let me use.  
My mother jumped for it at the same time, but he reached it first and jabbed it toward Mother. My heart stopped. She fell to the floor. The man ran toward her and lashed again, and again. He screamed at her and blamed her for things my mother would've replied to. So why didn't she?

The first splatter of blood came my way. I stared at it, motionless, barely resisting the urge to shriek. The last thing I heard my mother say was nothing more than an implausible groan. Face flat on the ground, I could see her clearly. MUCH too clearly. The cuts gushed blood. He stood over her and hooked a blade into her back. She screamed. She tried her best to breathe. She was hyperventilating, coughing blood, as the man was slowly putting the knife in further and further. All I could hear was, "You're just like the rest of them."

Her last attempt at movement was to look my way. I mouthed "mom". She went still.  
And he didn't stop.  
I watched as he opened her back up, ripped her to shreds, continued on and on. He took a bucket and pulled everything in her out. I watched it all. Every moment. I didn't dare blink.  
I never realized he left until now. Everything was a blur. I saw every moment; my mother's eyes the movie screen.

I'll always be afraid of the dark, because I'll see her eyes in them, just like that night.


	2. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR NOTES:** Ahh! We finished chapter one! Chapter two should be up…soon?

Thank you Invader Zia for being my first reviewer! I had a little spaz fest because I was so happy about it. Ah well. Hope you enjoy! And good luck to Japan!

* * *

**Chapter One**

Dib crawled upside down on the ceiling of tangled wires. He had been planning this exact infiltration of the base for at least a month now. He knew Zim had been experimenting on human test subjects-poor Nick and the waffles-and came to the conclusion that no one ELSE would rescue them. Through his spying mask, he could see Zim heading into a room, blatantly marked "HYOOMUN SUBJECTS". Dib noticed the spelling error on Zim's part, but had more important things to worry about.

The sealed doors opened at Zim's approach, and Dib barely managed to get inside. It was as dark as night in that room until the lights flickered on, positioned straight atop a human's figure. Whoever the person was, he or she was either asleep, knocked out, or dead. Dib looked carefully, and assumed that the person was a girl. The rust-red hair fell over her eyes as she floated in a clear tube with a mysterious alien liquid surrounding.

Zim taunted at the person. "Well, how are we doing TODAY, Earth human? You don't look in such good shape. Oh, I am SO SORRY. I hope you understand, YOU MEAN NOTHING! You filthy, filthy girl. You should know better than to... eh... You should know better than to defy the superiority that is ZIIIIIIIIM!" He launched into his very familiar evil laugh.  
Dib wasn't sure if Zim realized that she couldn't hear him.

Zim walked up to the tube, and took a cord extending from it. He screamed, "COMPUTER! Download the newest information about the human's psychology!" to himself muttering, "Interesting how they work, these pathetic creatures."  
The computer extended down another similar cord, and Zim connected the two wires together. In a deep voice, the computer said mechanically, "Downloading subject data..." Zim, continuing his laugh, stepped outside of the room. He expected that GIR was probably gnawing on the Voot's charging cables again.

Dib tracked Zim's movement outside the room. Though he was wary of the open door, he lightly leapt off the ceiling and landed more-or-less softly onto the ground.  
More or less.

He was certain Zim had to have heard him. Still, Dib stepped as quietly as a cat towards the door to shut it. He hurried over to the giant test tube, and searched around for a way to open it. He couldn't find a single lead. There was no sign of a switch, button, control or anything.

Not the type to give up, he searched the room for anything that could give a clue. He found his way to a small computer screen attached to the wall. On it read:

_Note to ZIM: Hyoomuns tend to be much more complex than the species that is clearly superior! The IRKENS never had these pathetic FEELINGS. Have to have the computer figure this out later._

Dib scrolled down. There was a lot of random things about humanity's level of intelligence. However, after a few minutes of scrolling, the computer screen showed notes from a electronic manual to the tube.

_Press the big red button to open the Irkomatic Test Tube. Copyright Vortian alliance, year seventia._

Big red button?

Dib slapped his forehead. Of course, there was ALWAYS a big red button.

He found it in plain sight (so much for his keen paranormal investigator senses), and pressed it accordingly. The tube snapped open and a wave of the gooey liquid gushed out. Dib leapt backwards, then grabbed the girl. The test tube had made enough noise already, so Dib knew he would have to escape fast. He crawled along the walls to reach the ceiling, though the girl's weight made it hard to do.

It was then that he realized that he had shut the door.

If Dib weren't on the ceiling, he would have slapped his forehead again.

Luckily, Zim opened it for him. Unluckily, he noticed the liquid and the broken tube. He growled as his head snapped up to the ceiling. "DIB! I know you did this! Just wait till I can get my hands on you-" He stopped.

He saw no one up there, as Dib had escaped already.

He had slipped out of the room before Zim could notice. As quickly as he possibly could with the extra weight, he sped up to the main floor of the house. GIR ran to the room and squealed, "DIIIIB! How comes you're not fighting Zim? MASTER! DIB'S HERE TO PLAY WITH YOUUU!"

The door was only a few feet away. Dib was certain he could make it outside before Zim responded to GIR's call. Though the girl made it somewhat hard to do, he dropped down from the ceiling and made a break for the door. Of all the terrible luck, someone rang the doorbell and the Roboparents blocked his way. Dib quickly looked behind him. GIR had run off, probably to tell Zim all about the prisoner's freedom and Dib's intrusion. He pushed his way past the Roboparents and ran outside.

Whoever the person was at the door, he had not even seemed to notice Dib, and dully the person said, "Ummmmm... I'm from the National Survey works and uh... wait. What am I supposed to say? Oh, oh yeah. I have to ask whether you happen to like Professor Membrane's newest machine..."

The Roboparents shut the door on him.

Back in the room where the girl had been kept, Zim was steaming at the prisoner's escape. He started to call up GIR, but was surprised that GIR was already right behind him. GIR cried squeakily, "Dib was here! He was carrying something! Master! He's gone but I wanted to play! Can you get him back? PLEEAASEE?"

Zim narrowed his eyes in frustration. At least he knew what had happened to his test subject. He said to GIR, " I don't WANT him back, GIR. Next time, could you just FOR ONCE do what you're supposed to and force him OUT?"

GIR stared blankly, then howled, "YAAAAYYY!"

Zim chose to ignore the robot.


	3. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR NOTE:** HOORAY! This one is actually decently long! And just wait, in chapter three it actually get's INTERESTING! XD

Oh, am I supposed to say that I don't own Zim? Everyone else does. I think it's blatantly obvious I don't.

So...ENJOY!

* * *

Nothing but a Weapon

**Chapter Two**

Dib knew that he had to reveal to the Swollen Eyeballs the newest information about Zim. He was even getting worked up just at the thought of telling them. In fact, Gaz could hear him in the other room talking to himself. "Oh man! This just maybe could be the proof I've been searching for! Oh, shoot. I should have brought my camera to Zim's base! Why didn't I think of that? Oh well. I could just take a picture of the girl herself, but I have to tell the Swollen Eyeballs all about it first!"

He pressed the call button on the screen. Irritatedly, the voice of Agent DarkBooty croaked, "What is it now, Dib?"

"I have some important news! The alien had captured another human test subject! I got her back, but I'm not sure what kind of interesting alien threats were done. She seems okay, but she's asleep and hasn't woken up. She seems to be in some kind of nightmare too, because she's tossing and turning and even twitching a little."

"Sure. Where's your proof that an alien did this? And really it doesn't mean that the alien put her to sleep necessarily. Besides, what is there to gain from telling me about this test subject?" He was clearly annoyed because of Dib's constant calls to him.

"But-but a test subject is important! Once she wakes up I can ask if she remembers anything-"

"Her word isn't proof. It's more proof than YOUR word, I can assume, but it still isn't direct proof."

"I can do health tests on her! You can't deny anything if the health tests prove she's been altered!" Dib shouted.

Gaz heard him clearly. Loudly she snapped, "DIB! You'd better keep it down in there, or I'll make sure you won't have a head anymore. Then again," she said with a snicker, "who said that wasn't an improvement?"

Dib stammered to Agent DarkBooty, "Look, I-I'll call you back later." He cut the connection, then said at Gaz, "I'll keep it down, okay? Don't attack me. I'm perfectly quiet see? I-"

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" Gaz shouted angrily.

"OKAY!" Dib said back. Under his breath he muttered, "Sheesh."

In Professor Membrane's lab, hearing the shouts from two floors above, the girl woke with a start. Her palms were sweating and her surroundings unclear. Breathing hard, she pulled herself to a wobbly standing position. Everything was dark. She loathed the dark.

Ren swallowed her fear and forced the thoughts of her dreams to the back of her mind. She was in a strange house. Nothing was familiar. Where was she? Panic overtook her again and she slipped her trembling hand into her coat pocket, searching for the gun she carried. To her relief, it was there. She clutched the familiar shape, and held it shakily. She was thankful she always carried it around. Even in a stranger's home, at least there was always something recognizable to hold onto.

She found nothing of importance down here, but she heard a loud noise from above. She very nearly fired the gun from her growing paranoia. As her vision adjusted, she managed to feel her way to a staircase, which she climbed on her hands and knees. From the top of the stairs a door blocked her entrance out, and she grappled at the knob. Locked. Ren put her ear to the door. She couldn't hear much more than before; she heard two strangers' voices but not what they were saying. One voice WAS familiar because it had woken her up. The other voice she almost thought sounded familiar, and struggled to remember from where. With her tendency to over-think everything, it could easily have just been her imagination, she reminded herself.

Since she was closer to the voices, she could now tell what they were saying.

The almost-but-not-quite familiar voice was shouting. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY TEST SUBJECT DIB-MONKEY?"

So the other person was Dib, she assumed. Test subject?

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dib snickered. Ren could tell that Dib was lying because she was used to that tone of voice. It was an advantage to being paranoid.

She heard a door slam, and the first voice screamed from outside. She couldn't hear the exact words spoken, however, but she didn't really want to. She thought she heard the word "filth", but couldn't be sure.

Still, the darkness of the lab that surrounded her was stifling. It made her uneasy at first, but now it felt like it was pressing in on her. Surrounding her; suffocating her. She struggled with the locked door, but knew it was futile to try. Her eyes grew wide with panic; the darkness was bringing up memories she never wanted to remember. She started to scream.

Back in the front room, Dib locked and deadbolted the door. Zim wasn't getting in his house this time.

He heard clicking noises from the back door, to Membrane's lab. "The test subject! She must be awake!"

As he approached the door, he heard a piercing scream. He unlocked the door and leapt back. The girl burst out of the room, eyes enormous with fear. She scanned the room, her gun pointed eye level.

Her mind slowly began to relax. The darkness was gone, and she stowed her gun to her pocket. At least, she was just starting to when Dib peeked out from the wall. Her paranoia rushed to her again, and she brought the gun up, half an inch from his face.

Dib backed away, terrified, holding up two hands in self-defense. He said quietly, "Whoa! Don't shoot, I just saved your life! D-don't shoot. Jeez, where'd you get a gun?"

Ren raised an eyebrow, the gun still pointed at Dib's head. "Saved me how? When? From who?"

Loud banging noises issued from the front door, which Dib ignored but Ren leapt back at. Ren repeated her questions. Dib hesitated, knowing that Ren appeared to have been in terrible pain when he first saw her. He assumed that telling her the truth beat having a huge hole blown in his head.

"Well... that banging at the door is from your kidnapper, Zim. He's an alien, see, and I know no one ever believes me about that, but just bear with me for now. Anyway, he captured you to study humans' emotion or something... I dunno. The point is, he kidnapped you and I broke into his base, found you and saved you. I wasn't sure at the time that anyone had been captured, of course. I don't know you. I just saved you because.. because no one else would, would they?"

Ren wasn't buying it. Dib had zero of the telltale signs of lying, but it was too ridiculous to believe. "Pshh. Likely story. Where's the proof that you're not just saying that? What do you want from me? Hey! You remind me of HIM." Her eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. "You look almost just like he did! What do you know? Answer!"

"What are you TALKING about?" Dib was absolutely confused. Ren seemed to be criminally insane. That might've been an understatement.

Ren lowered the gun a sliver, still eyeing him like he might bite. "Okay. You're confused. I can assume you don't know. I hope you don't, because I'd be in some serious trouble. I don't really want to think about it besides. Still. How am I supposed to know you're telling the truth about why I'm here? An alien? Really. You expect me to believe that right off the bat?"

Dib sighed. They were always like this. He really didn't want to tell her what shape she'd been in, and what else he had found while scrolling down on Zim's computer screen. Still, if she wouldn't believe him unless he told the whole truth...

"Zim did some terrible experiments on you. ...I saw his notes. He...he had to find out what goes on in your head for some reason. I guess he was studying humans' psychology or something. Anyway... he apparently decided that the best hands-on way to find out your mind... I don't want to talk about it... you could probably notice the scar on your forehead if you looked in a mirror..." Dib struggled to speak.

"MMHHM. And that could be a diversion. Just what you need to jump and slit my throat."

Dib was getting impatient. "I'm ELEVEN!"

Ren eyed him for a while. There were no signs he was lying. Not a trace. Chances were he was telling the truth, however odd that truth may be. Or exaggerated. Nonetheless, she couldn't see anything in his eyes telling otherwise.

"…I'm still watching you." Ren cautiously lowered the gun to her side, still eyeing him.

Dib breathed a sigh of relief. She was still holding the gun, but at least it wasn't positioned toward his head. Now he needed to know exactly what Zim did to her.

"OKAY! Glad that's out of the way! Now, I'll probably need to do some x-ray scans to make sure you haven't been—"

"WHAT? You want to x-ray me? Next you're gonna do tests on me huh? Inject me with so called medicine? NOT BUYING IT. NOT BUYING IT!" She started to go into a slight panic. The noises on the door were gone, which just made Ren sure she had just imagined the earlier knocks. She didn't like radiation of any sort. Her paranoia overwhelmed her, and she darted to the door, unlocking it and flinging it open as she sprinted outside.

"AHH! No! You're in danger!" Dib took off after her, following her all the way to her house, calling out, "Wait! Stop!"

Ren took no notice. When she got to her house, she slammed the door and ignored the persistent knocks.


	4. Chapter 3

Nothing but a Weapon

**Chapter Three  
**

It was on Planet Evalia.

She had found herself stranded and alone, having been shot into space by her most bitter rival. She gnashed her teeth together. What an ignorant defective idiot.

It was because of him that she had lived alone on Evalia. She had lost count of how long she had been stuck. It didn't really matter. She was after revenge this time. Though she had been stranded for who-knows-how-long, she felt absolutely certain of herself. She had collected small pieces of scrap metal and was working hard to create a spacecraft to get her finally free, out into space, where she could hunt him down. Not to mention the now-sickening sight of cerulean swirls swishing over sea-foam green; they made this planet such a tourist attraction that she was able to snatch away important pieces to the piece of art that would be her new ship. Though the tourism angle she had never really understood. Again, she reminded herself, it didn't matter.

She was not certain, but could tell by the layer of foam on the Time Rock (Time Rocks were another tourist attraction, but this one was old and it no longer showed the exact time) that she had been alone here at least a few months. Then again, what was a month to an Irken? A month was merely enough time to complete her spaceship. She admired her careful craftsmanship on it. To a bit of hesitancy, she remembered that she had been forced to sacrifice her SIR unit to get it to fly. Then again, the SIR unit had been faulty at the time.

Carefully she stepped inside the cockpit of the ship. It looked as good as new, even though all of its parts were at least secondhand. She had second thoughts though- the Time Rock could be useful, and no one even knew it existed. She stepped out onto the soft surface of the planet she now hated so much, and levered the Time Rock from its indention in the spongy ground. Clutching the Time Rock tightly, she walked back into the ship. Her deep violet eyes reflected in the side mirror as she started the engine. Finally. She could get her much-awaited revenge. The engines of her craft came to life and she rocketed off Evalia. She was thankful. She needed to concentrate on getting to her destination.

She was heading for such a little-known planet; no one out of the galaxy had ever stumbled over its name until the past year. In that year, so much had happened. Her world had gone in a million ups and downs; now it lay at its prime. So much power, humiliation, so much for her and her PAK to go through in just one year. And all of it happening on one little blue and green planet.

Earth.

* * *

Though it was at most fifteen minutes, it felt like Dib had been pounding on the door for an hour. Ren clearly wasn't going to trust him in this state. How could anybody get that scared over radiation?

Despite being in a neighborhood nearby his house that he knew too well to be plagued with hobos, creeps, and weirdos, he planted himself across the street in case Zim came back (also, he had heard chupacabras lived in this area, so it was a nice coincidence). Though a nagging thought in the back of his mind told him that camping outside of an almost-stranger's house was, to say the least, creepy.

Dib chose not to register the thought, instead deciding that the safety of humanity was more important.  
He was just drifting off when he was jolted awake by a loud THUD. A familiar silhouette darted around near the front of the house.

ZIM.

Dib watched through the darkness as the alien retracted his spider legs and according to the sound of shattering, broke through the window. Deciding on action, Dib sprinted across the street toward the house.

He fumbled up the steps of the deck, realizing there was broken glass everywhere. Way to keep your abduction discreet Zim, he thought. The inside of the window broken open was much worse.

"This glass isn't going to stop me. I need to stop Zim! Me getting over a measly pile of broken glass might determine the future of humanity! If I don't then, then..." He broke off in realization, "...then I'll keep talking to myself."

He leapt in, with one foot about half an inch from a particularly sharp shard. Zim had just turned a corner away from the main room. Dib guessed he was searching the downstairs floor. He assumed that Ren was upstairs, since he heard not one triumphant laugh from the other room. "Okay, all I need to do is block Zim off from the stairs!"

True to his words, he ran as fast as his legs would carry him. It was fairly easy to get to his destination considering the entire room was eerily empty.

Zim hadn't heard Dib's annoying exposition, and had continued walking indifferently toward the staircase. At last, he turned the corner to find Dib, looking triumphantly smug.

"UGHHH. DIB-THING. Stop being such an annoying pain in the 'spooch and stop interfering with things that don't concern you!" Zim made little "shoo" gestures.

"Nice try, Zim! You think I'm just going to walk out the door? I hope you realize that you're nothing more than a thorn in humanity's side. A **THORN!**! You hear me, Zim? Have you noticed you never succeed? Huh? Huh? You aren't-**_NYAAH!_**"

Zim had completely ignored Dib's rant and extended his PAK-legs, already making it half way up the stairs, Dib frantically chasing after him and in a moment of desperation, grabbing one of the PAK legs and holding on for dear life.

"Gyaugh!" Zim choked as the PAK's extra weight pulled him backward, making him teeter on the top step. Two more legs clawed into the walls to the left and right of him, pulling forward with all their might.

"LET GOOOOOO!" Zim screamed, clawing at the air before him as Dib struggled to maintain a firm grip on the leg that was struggling for freedom.

"WAKE UP!" Dib yelled. He had to warn her.  
**"SILENCE DIB-THING!"**  
"Yeah right Zim! WAKE UP!"  
"HOW MUCH OF THIS WEIGHT IS JUST YOUR HEAD?"  
"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!"

Zim growled in growing frustration. With a sudden full blown tug, Dib was pulled into the air and chucked back down the stairs, Zim falling flat on his face as the weight lifted.

The legs pulled him up above the already high staircase to look down on Dib, on the floor below. "VICTORY!" he called almost tauntingly, before speedily dashing down the hallway to the door at the end. He just needed to get the experiment and go. He could already hear Dib climbing up the stairs.

Not bothering to knock, he burst into the room, the door almost flying off its hinges.

The room was dark. Presumably empty, besides something Zim's quickly adjusting eyesight could see to be a bed. He grinned. She didn't even wake up!

As he drew closer he learned with an ominous click that he was wrong.

"D-don't move."

The experiment was awake, pointing a gun to his head. For once, he decided to obey the order (for now) and not go forward. He guessed it was low-grading technology, meaning he could easily blow the bullet off with his shields. But the PAK legs were extended, meaning it'd be harder to get the shields working if the PAK was already occupied. He gritted his teeth. This should've been simpler. Humans were too difficult.

"Like such a minuscule weapon would have any effect on me. Don't struggle, I just need the chip." He slowly put his hand to his PAK, pushing a button and pulling out the needle. This will be the best way to go about this. Have to be prepared…

"What chip? You put a chip in me? What are you doing with the needle? I'm not doing anything you say. And if this really won't have any effect on you, I guess you won't mind me pulling the trigger." She raised an eyebrow as she slowly tightened her finger's grip. It was just enough for Zim to make a small gesture toward his pack, eyes just a little bit wider. Was she bluffing?

"Scared of a gun, Zim?" Dib had been watching from the darkness of the doorway. Ren was just spooked enough to flinch and point the gun to Dib. Zim took the chance and flung a PAK leg toward Ren, slapping the gun out of her hands. She leapt back as it landed in the middle of the room.  
Dib gasped, Zim grinned, and Ren panicked as they all jumped for the gun.

Ren remembered this scene. All too familiar.

_The eyes._

_He shot up and pounced for the object, which reminded me of the kitchen knives that Aunt Tenna would never let me use._  
_Mother jumped for it at the same time, but he reached it first…_

Dib reached the gun, but Zim hadn't been going for the gun. He tackled a dazed Ren against the back and slammed her to the wall, jamming the needle into her skull. Her eyes bugged as he retracted it, just in time for Dib to figure out how to use a gun and point it at Zim. Ren slumped to the floor, head resting on the wall as Zim turned to Dib, grinning.

"HA! I already got what I came for Dib, there's no need to be all pointy. Like you'd have the guts to shoot," Zim snarled, narrowing his red eyes. Dib gulped, trying to look determined. Zim's eyes turned to slits and he grinned wider.

"What did you do to her Zim?" Dib was eyeing Ren, still resting her head on the wall. Zim's face went blank, turning his head toward the experiment.  
"Oh. She was already pretty messed up when I took her. Just some tests, nothing that concerns YOU." Zim looked into the needle, now containing something Dib couldn't see well enough.

"I'm serious, Zim. What's in that needle?"

"Just ignore everything you see, Dib-human. It has nothing to do with this filthy rock of a planet anyway." Zim snickered to himself, carefully scanning the needle with a strange machine. Then he broke the needle and took out a small computer chip. His eyes narrowed smugly as he held the needle's content up. With a laugh he said to himself, "This chip! It's all I need…Mwaheheheheh…"

Dib's impatience was growing. "What...is in...The **_CHIP?_**!"

"Didn't I tell you to go away? The missile has NOTHING to do with you. Well, it did originally, but I decided those _FILTHY_ energy blobs of _FILTH_ should get the nasty treatment."

"Wait, what? Missile? Energy blobs? Wait... I remember seeing energy things once...you mean they were real?"

"EH?" Zim looked back to Dib, realizing for a flickering moment (very fleetingly, really) that he might've screwed up a bit. "Of COURSE not!" Zim's eyes shifted back and forth, trying to think of a good way to deceive the Dib. "Eh... eh... Yes, of course not! How could you possibly think the Meekrob were real!"

"You do realize that you pretty much told me that they ARE real, right?" Dib said.

"No…Eh…SILENCE!" With that, Zim pushed Dib hard towards the window. Even though Dib's head smacked against it, the window didn't break- Ren had had it made of a ridiculously sturdy glass, all the better to keep people from attacking her from outside.

Though the window didn't break, it hurt Dib quite considerably. "OWW!"

While Dib's head swam with pain, Zim quickly snatched a small device from his PAK, inserting the chip. A green light scanned over it, displaying long texts of information on the data screen. Zim scanned over it, noticing out of the corner of his eye Dib was attempting to get a grip on his fat head.

There were, in fact, long-term effects of the chemical solution he had designed. The short-term effects had already been proven, but Zim had needed confirmation of what, exactly, would happen afterward. From the chip's test he saw that it would carry on a sort of milder version of the incredibly effective short-term effect.

"Twenty-four hours of doom," Zim mumbled, giddy with the new discoveries. "Twenty-four Earth hours of doom to Meekrob. Then... then they will die out. Die and let us conquer. Conquer the universe. Twenty-four hours of destruction!"

Dib's head was still swirling. The only things he could make out was Meekrob + Twenty-four hours = BAD. Also, the idea that Zim might have given him a mild concussion taunted the back of his mind.

Yet he didn't know what, exactly, the 24 hours were. He had no clue what the Meekrob had to do with anything, he had no idea what exactly was IN that chip, had no thought as to how to stop Zim from escaping out the window, and had no possible notion as to what he should do next. All he could think of was that he had to stop Zim, and that his head was hurting REALLY bad.

Zim had spent several months perfecting this solution, and only now was it complete. Last time he had tested it, the solution had only brought HAPPINESS to the earthworm he had experimented on. This time, it was exactly right.

Pure, concentrated destruction.

Doom in a can.


	5. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR NOTES**: This one is VERY long. Well, longer than usual.

I'd like to remind everyone that this is NOT a romance, nor will it ever BE a romance. Because I really. hate. romance.

* * *

Nothing But a Weapon

**Chapter Four  
**

Tak's ship hovered over the spinning blue and green planet.  
_HE'S down there._

She occupied her hands with the controls. She needed to get something done before she went down to the spinning rock of a place. She could barely keep her eyes away from the buttons, levers and lights of her carefully constructed controls for more than ten seconds. How she loathed this planet.  
Tak's fingers slid easily through a familiar command process. Ah, the power to hack. Her transmission screen flashed on. Two familiar faces turned to their screen, dropping what snacks they had been feasting on in shock at the sudden communication.

"Hey! Who let her through without our okay?" Red turned to glare at the communications officers. They looked back wide eyed, obviously as perplexed as their Tallest were.  
"My Tallest! I apologize for clicking into the system, but I **NEED** to speak with you."  
"You interrupted our SNACKS." Purple seemed too shocked to even move. Tak's antennae dropped. This already wasn't going well.

"Again, I apologize, but this is of the utmost urgency! I am willing to once again prove my worthiness as an Invader! Is there anything, **ANYTHING, **that you want?" She was clawing at the controls below her.  
Red rolled his eyes. "We ALREADY have everyone doing whatever we want them to do." He took another look at Tak, who was looking a bit worse for wear. "Wait, who are you again?"  
Tak looked like she was going to completely crush the controls through sheer force.

"TAK! I was almost an Invader! I deserved it, I spent…YEARS of training to become one! Then…ZIM," she stopped to make sure every split second of the word was filled with pure hatred. The Tallest cringed just at the name.  
"Then **ZIM**," she continued, "Zim created the power-outage on Devastis! He stopped me from taking my test! It's all Zi—"  
"Wooooo-hooo-ooo-oo. Stop there. You said his name **WAY** too many times for comfort." Purple turned to Red, who looked like he was about to puke.

Red gulped it down, though his eye still twitched slightly. "Look, we've heard too many sob stories to care. Sorry, Tek—"  
"It's TAK," she said, putting her struggles into a much too emphasized K.  
"Right. Sorry about that, but looking at your history, you haven't exactly been very helpful to the empire or anything-"  
**"GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE AND I WILL BE." **

Red was done with this. He had citizens to order around and snacks to eat. "Tak, you're a failure. Get over it."  
Dead silence lay thick in the air.  
As was typical of him, Purple burst the eerie silence. "YEAH! You're a failure, you hear me? We should probably send someone AFTER you, considering you're obviously not under control of the empire and all?" He gestured to Red.

With an annoyed reluctance, Red grumbled, "Sure. Royal Guards? We've got a job for you."  
Red and Purple shared a look that should have meant everything to Tak, but she didn't notice.  
She also didn't notice that when Purple ordered to cut the transmission, Red moved in the opposite direction. One of his fingers flipped a switch out of the screen's vision. If Tak had noticed, then maybe she could have stopped the near-fatal accident that would befall her ship, and herself.  
But she didn't notice.

The transmission was cut. The invisible terror wracked through her ship. Unfortunately, Tak couldn't see. She couldn't prevent. She couldn't fix.

* * *

The world was fuzzy. Dib couldn't focus. His head injury had really gotten to him. He thought he heard Zim talking again, and knew somewhere in his mind that it was important. All he could hear was the evil laugh he had come to detest. His eyelids slowly slid shut; he was unable to keep them open. A swift flash of blazing white crossed his vision before turning pitch-black.  
While Zim's evil laugh escalated into a roaring scream of one, Ren slyly opened one eye and glanced to her right where Zim was cackling his green head off.  
_All right, what's happening_? She was still coming to her senses. She closed her eyes and let her memory unfold.

_I was taken by someone.  
I woke up at a stranger's house.  
The stranger said they saved me from an alien.  
I left the house and went home.  
I woke up to noise downstairs.  
An alien with giant metal legs that resemble a spider got into my room.  
Then the kid that saved me came in behind.  
The alien got my gun out of my hand.  
Then…_

She cracked open her eye again to see the alien holding a strange chip, which Ren was quick to realize had come out of her own head via a needle broken open on the ground about four feet away. In fact, her head was bleeding slightly from the injection. Ren didn't bother caring.  
Zim still didn't notice Ren as she slipped her hand into her blue jacket's pocket and pulled out the reassuring shape of an extra gun. It was nice to know that all the years of holding two guns weren't pointless. She put it straight against Zim's head. Zim noticed this time. Screaming, he reached around behind him to press a button on his PAK. Right as he did so, she pulled the trigger.

The room shook with a deafening boom. A loud 'thud' was heard, then another.  
Ren flew back with the power of the gun.  
The incredibly loud explosion stirred Dib back to consciousness, but he didn't really realize it. He didn't want to be woken up either. They weren't done fixing his head yet. His head seemed a frothy mess of oblivion inside. He opened his eyes to an unfocused situation. Smoke seemed to be everywhere.  
The first word to blubber out of his mouth was, no doubt, "Zim!"

Click.

The girl seemed to be sitting right next to him in what seemed to be a very uncomfortable position, even more so because she was trying to point a gun to his head. All he could concentrate on was the barrel of the gun.  
"Oh. It's just Dip." She fell back to the ground with a sigh of relief.  
"I-It's Zim. I mean Dib. I-I mean…" His head was pounding. He was coming to his senses far slower than he preferred. What just happened?  
Oh. Zim happened.

"ZIM! He's up to something! I just know it! He's Meek-robbing in twenty-four hours! He's robbing the Meek! He's attacking the four. Where's Zim? They…"  
Ren stood up shakily, eyes unblinking through the whole monologue as Dib jabbered on about. Her brain slowly processed what exactly Dib had said, and she said back calmly, "Zim? That's the alien, right?" The smoke was clearing. 'Zim' wasn't anywhere to be found.  
She looked back to the boy, who had gone dangerously silent as he stared at her. She intensified the grip on her gun, just as a precaution. He didn't seem to notice. He was still staring, mouth gaping. It was creepy.

"You believe me?"

* * *

Nightmare Bitters and the other monsters in the nightmare realm were almost done with the huge crack leading to the outside world. They had to fix it; if they didn't they would be let OUT THERE. Bitters shuddered at the thought. In fact, Enigma was just about to seal up the major split. If they didn't fix it soon, they'd be sucked outside.  
They didn't want to be sucked outside at all.

Hurriedly they worked, stuffing any object they could find into the hole. The living straitjacket helped- it stretched across the tear and squeezed it to a relatively small size so they could calm down. They lost one of their Red Oozes, though. And it was a big one, too. The ground shook, Dib was waking up. Enigma turned to see the crack shudder threateningly.  
"Keep it sealed! You have no idea what NIGHTMARES are out there!" Nightmare Bitters hissed, "A nightmare's worst nightmare!" The straightjacket struggled to keep it secure, and it held out; the shaking seemed to stop. They all took a sigh of relief. Good thing they were safe in Dib's gargantuan head.

* * *

"What do you mean? Should I not believe you?" The girl stood across from him, arms crossed, still holding the gun.  
"No. No! You should believe me! And you do believe me! Someone finally believes me!" Dib started to stand and fell back woozily. His head felt like it was spinning at fifty miles per hour. "Unless you're an alien or a counselor."

"What are you talking about?"  
"Are you an alien?"  
"NO."  
"Are you a school counselor?"  
"Um. No?"  
"So you're a human?"  
"YES!"

Dib fell back to the ground. His head was getting a little better. He could see the girl more clearly, and that they had let Zim get away. The smoke was still present, but not as much. The girl was still pointing a gun at his head. He decided she did that a lot and he didn't care.  
"Wait. What's your name?" Dib put enough effort to look up at the girl. She was covered in dust, eyes wide, slightly shaking. She didn't look like she was doing very well.  
Her eyes got wider at the question. "W-Why do you need to know?"

Dib let his head fall back again. _Why was she so paranoid? Even he wasn't this paranoid_.  
"It's just a question. I kind of just saved your life twice; you can trust me enough to give me your name. It doesn't even have to be your real name! Just something for me to call you-"  
"Ren."  
"Ah, okay. I'm Dib."  
"Uh-huh."

Silence. So Dib, a paranormal investigator, had gotten only her name as information after a whole day. That was helpful. His head was finally clear enough for him to sit up. When he did so, he could see Ren flinch in the corner of his eye.  
"Geez. Why are you so freaky about everything? And why do you carry two guns? Was it because Zim tested on you? I wouldn't worry about him too much; he's kind of an idiot." Dib stopped. "Wait, I thought you couldn't remember him testing on you? Are you remembering stuff? Huh? Huh? 'Cause—"

"You ask too many questions!" Ren's head was spinning, trying to think about all of this. She sat down and put the gun closely by her side, covering her face with her hands. She didn't want to think about all of this. Why **does** she carry two guns?  
_The eyes_.  
She flinched and jolted her head out from the darkness her hands created. Even that was too much. Too much.  
Dib stared at Ren. What the heck happened to her?  
"All right, we'll start with **one** question. Do you know why Zim did tests on you?"  
Ren shook her head. Her eyes were kind of glazed over.  
"Do you remember him testing on you?"  
Ren shook her head again. "The last thing I remember from waking up in your house was falling to sleep at mine."  
Dib bit his lip. Getting information from someone who doesn't remember anything is always more difficult.

"What day was it when you went to sleep?"  
Ren's eyes sharpened. She seemed to be paying more attention now. "You think he might've had me for a long period of time?"  
Dib remembered the notes he had seen of Zim's. They explained many, many, many different tests, some horrific, some ridiculous, and some incomprehensible.  
"Maybe. It'll help to know."  
"I think…the 22nd?"  
"Today's the 8th."  
Ren looked at Dib like he was insane. He was used to it. She blubbered, "W-Wha-What month is it?"  
Dib was a little worried to say. If the period of time she was trapped was long enough, she might just flip out.

"April."  
Her eyes almost popped out.  
"_**WHAT?**_ I thought it was January!" She stood up, clutching the gun again. She paced back and forth, tugging at her hair. Dib looked out the window. The sky was getting brighter. What was Zim planning?  
"Listen. We need to stop Zim! He's planning something big!" She stopped to look at him.  
"We?"

Dib's heart dropped to his stomach. _Dangit_.  
"**I'M **not getting anywhere near that—that—thingie." Ren pointed out the window. Dib guessed she was referring to Zim.  
"There are lives at stake! I mean, yeah, the Meekrob are an alien race, but as far as I know they're against the Irken Empire, and if they're against them, they're with me."  
"I don't have anything to do with this though!" Ren backed up to clutch her bedside, "I don't know what the Irken Empire IS. Why do I have to pick a side?"  
"Because Zim is trying to destroy all mankind!" Dib yelled, "And no one else knows he exists except US."  
Ren shook her head. "I…I don't want to go back there."

"There are lives at stake! We can't just do nothing and let them die."  
Ren stood, her head hanging low as she clutched her bedside as her only support from fainting.  
Dib stood watching. Ren remained silent.  
Dib sighed. "Fine! I'll just go save humanity and the Meekrob myself." Dib walked for the door. "See ya."  
Then he was gone.  
And Ren was left alone.

The room was covered in dust. Her extra gun was lying on the ground. And it was silent.  
The sun came up and poured a warm light into her room. She didn't feel warm though.  
She had forgotten what being with people was like. Talking. Feeling…safe. Or at least safer.  
She looked out the window. She could see Dib's odd scythe hairdo in a small distance. He was walking away. He wasn't even looking back.

No, wait. He looked back.

Then he kept walking. _To his death_.

She wasn't that close to Dib. And all common sense agreed that she shouldn't get any closer to anyone. No more friendships. No more people. That way, when they died, she wouldn't feel as bad. She wouldn't have to miss them when they died.  
But she didn't want them to die.

"Snap." She pocketed her guns and flung open the door. She sprinted out of the house, barely bothering to lock it back up.  
"HEY DIB!" She yelled. He didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.  
She stopped to catch her breath. Suddenly she realized she couldn't remember where she was going. Or where she was. Her senses all sprung to her again and she looked around her.  
A slightly familiar neighborhood. She had run this way to her house yesterday. There was a dog on a leash in a yard two houses down. Chained up. She wondered how long that chain was. At least it was secure.

Across the street a stranger was mowing the lawn. Keep watch for that. That thing could chop me to bits.  
She stood on the sidewalk, feeling very, very lost. Where was Dib's house?

Some distance away she heard something. Maybe half a block down.  
"Gaz! I'm off to Zim's base! Tape Mysterious Mysteries for me!'  
"I'll make sure of it, Dib," Gaz snapped, annoyed. "Now **GO. AWAY**." Ren heard a door slam. He was leaving for Zim's.

"No, no, no no no…" She ran to the voices. She saw the house, but he wasn't there.  
"DANGIT," she yelled. She didn't know where the alien's base was. Only Dib did.  
Or maybe the girl knew.

She gulped, looking at the house. Contact with another person. Fantastic.  
Taking a deep breath, she walked to the door.  
Gulping down a hint of vomit, she knocked on the door.  
Clutching her gun in her pocket, she waited at the door.

No one answered.  
She stood for about five more seconds before she knocked again.  
"Who is it?" Someone called inside. Ren flinched back. The voice sounded far too displeased.  
"Ah-Um," Ren started. How was she supposed to do this? "I'm. Um. I… know Dib." She wasn't sure she wanted to say they were 'friends' just yet. No connections.  
"Who cares?" The voice said. _What did she mean by that_?

"Do you know where Zip—Zim's house is?" Ren was losing time. Dib was probably already there. The door creaked open. Ren almost fired her gun in her pocket. A girl about a year younger than her stood in the doorway. And she was very, very scary.  
"Ah. Um. Can you give me directions? Please? Because Dib is going to Zim's base and—  
"Dib ALWAYS goes to Zim's base," The girl said.  
"Ah… Well, could you—"  
"No."

And she shut the door.

Ren just stood there, utterly shocked. What the heck did she do wrong?  
Putting on a determined face, she knocked again. The door swung open and the determined face fled.  
"Ah! Um, please. Dib might be walking to his DOOM right now and I was supposed to help him but I—"  
"JUST KEEP WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND LOOK FOR THE WEIRDEST HOUSE YOU'LL EVER SEE."

And she slammed the door again.  
Ren stood, said a measly "Thanks!" and ran down the street.


	6. Chapter 5

**Nothing but a Weapon**

**Chapter 5**

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi everybody! This chapter took a REALLY long time! And I think it turned out really well, shockingly! :D So enjoy!

Also, I'd like to thank ALL of the reviewers who have...reviewed so far! AND PLEASE REVIEW MORE. Because Meadow and I LOVE them.

We don't own Zim. I don't know why it's important to say that. But we don't. XD

* * *

_REACTIVATING_

The first thing Tak felt was the icy shock that surged through her body as her PAK turned her back on. It wasn't painful, just awakening. When it stopped she could feel her arms and legs. She pulled her hands to fists to test her joints. Still working. She dug her working fingers into the soft soil of whatever she had landed on while testing the feeling in her feet. They too were working correctly. Birds could be heard nearby. And a crackling noise. A popping noise mixed with other odd sounds.

Tak's eyes fluttered open. She was laying on her back, looking at a horrible red sky over her. There was a cold chill mixed with an unfriendly heat coming from the sound of the crackling. She took a deep breath and choked; there was smoke. Her fingers dug deeper into the Earth as she tried to lift herself.

So that's where she was. She clenched the filthy dirt in her hands. The Earth.

As she tried to breath slowly and filter the air through the smoke, she pulled herself into a sitting position. Her head swam. That was a sure sign that something in her PAK had been damaged.

Although her vision was fuzzy (Way more than it should be, she noted), Tak could see a small town a mile away. She was on a hill looking down on it.  
Ever so slowly, she put one hand to her forehead. Pulling it back down, her ever-adjusting eyes could see green liquid dripping off of her glove. Blood. Why hadn't her PAK fixed that?

A crashing and billowing noise demanded her attention. She rolled her head to her left to see a very hazy image. Something very purple and very big was gushing smoke. Whatever it was, she knew it shouldn't be doing that. She took her time crawling away from it-a good 3 minutes- before collapsing again in a patch of grass away from the smoke. She let the fresh air flood into her body. She let her memories flood back to her-The conversation with the Tallest was the one most vivid in her mind.  
_"Tak, you're a failure. Get over it."_  
The words echoed in her mind. She looked at her dying ship. She reminded herself of all the times she had failed. Not taking her test, not getting Zim's mission, now crashing on Earth with a broken ship and some serious injuries and PAK damage. Why did this all happen to her?  
Tak whispered it so low that she couldn't even hear herself. Coughing, gagging, she tried to say it again. "T-the T-t-t-taaaalllleeeest." She croaked. She wanted the universe to know. She wanted anyone to hear. "It's THEIR F-F-FAUULT!" She cringed. It hurt. "It's THEIRRRR...fault...I'm a f-f-faiiilure!"

She screamed it. Her voice cracked. "IT'S THEIR FAULT I'M A FAILURE." The birds flew from the trees in fright. She didn't care. She officially hated them. Hated everyone.

She sat up again. "NO." Her eyes were flames. Then she collapsed again, only one thought left.  
_I'll prove them wrong_.

* * *

Ren stood at the strangely creepy house in front of her. It was a menacing place, tapered to a point at the top with a satellite dish poking out from the side of the triangle. It was green with pinkish purple windows. She had never seen anything like it. As she took a deep breath trying to calm herself, scrabbling noises came from the roof of the looming house. She tensed, trying to see who or what was making the noise. Though nervous, she was forced to assume it was just another squirrel.

Strange ornaments decorated the front lawn of the house. There were several glassy-eyed pointy things and an 'I LOVE EARTH' sign. Ren hated to assume, but she was almost positive that it was the alien's house. The creepy girl she had talked to at Dib's place had said to find the weirdest home she could find, and this one definitely won top prize.  
The second her foot touched the walkway leading to the front door, sparks flew from an ornament at her right. She stopped to stare at the giant gnome, who she was certain had not been staring at her before, and kept staring as the scrabbling noise from the neighbor's house grew louder.

Dib walked to the edge of the neighbor's roof, looking down on Zim's creepy house. Taking a deep breath, he jumped for the roof.

Ren was focusing so hard on the gnome that she didn't hear the 'voop' sci-fi sound as a laser pen cut a hole into the top of Zim's base. As a thud issued from Zim's roof, Ren lowered her gun to her side, satisfied that the gnome wasn't going anywhere. She turned and walked up to Zim's house, easily turning the knob and walking in.

Upon Ren stepping on the front door, what appeared to be a small purple floating moose zoomed to within an inch of her face. Ren leapt back, nearly falling backwards to the point of cracking her head on the pavement, and raised her gun to Minimoose.

"Nyah!" It squeaked. Ren didn't bother to lower her weapon. The cute little...thing could be some kind of trick. And she wasn't falling for it.

"I'm looking for Dib. Where is he?"

"Nyah!"

"So this is the alien base?"

"Nyah!"

"Well it's a bit obvious."

"Nyah!"

"Well, you can try and stop me, but I need to help Dib."

"Nyah?"

"Well he'll probably die if I don't!"

"Nyah?"

"Well...yeah, I guess helping everyone else is important."

"Nyah."

"Alright, try and stop me! I'm ready!" Ren lowered her gun and waited. The floating moose remained stationary, then floated to Ren and bounced off her head, floating to the ceiling.  
Ren stared at it. What kind of place is this?

"So...I think I won that battle."

"Nyeh..."

"How do I find Dib?"

"Nyah."

"The base is on a lower level?"

"Nyah!"

"Well, how do I get there?"

Minimoose floated to another room, Ren following cautiously. It bounced around in midair almost aimlessly until it stopped in front of a toilet, which Ren noticed was placed in a kitchen. Hmm.  
The moose squeaked triumphantly, "Nyah!"  
Ren looked at the toilet. Then at the moose. Then at the toilet.

"...EEW."

"Nyeh!"

"No one...used it right?"

"Nyehhh!"

"...Is this a trap?"

"Nyah!"

"Still, eew." Ren looked back at the toilet. It was the only lead she had as to how to get to the base below. Awkwardly, she stepped into it. The moose giggled. She grunted. At least there wasn't water in it.

"Alright, what do I do now?"

"Nyeh!"

"And you're SURE this will bring me to the base?"

"Nyeh!"

"Well...okay." She hesitantly grabbed the flusher and yanked. Immediately the inner bowl of the toilet dropped down like an elevator, and Minimoose gave a goodbye squeak as she started down.

As she saw her last glimpses of Minimoose, a loud voice seemed to emanate from all directions. Predictably, Ren jumped, but didn't pull out her gun; there wasn't room to shoot. The artificial voice spoke in a ridiculously low voice.

((Master, there is someone in the base. I have detected heat sources in two locations.))

Ren heard another voice that she recognized somewhere below her. She was pretty sure it was Zim.

"I don't care! Wait a minute! If you get rid of the intruders, will the missile launch take longer?"

((Yes.))

"Oh this is just great. Computer! Do they look like a problem? If we let them go, will they ruin everything?"

((I can see Dib's bio-signature-))

"AAAAAH! YES! Get rid of them! I can't risk DIB ruining everything. I can't do ANYTHING without Dib there! And now he's got probably my test subject on his side! COMPUTER! Why did you let them in?" Zim shouted, furious. "It's your fault."

((I couldn't protect the base because I was working on your missile launch.))

"Then why did Minimoose let them in? I thought he was in charge of guarding the base!"

((Why are you asking me this? I'm just the computer.))

"It's your fault for not keeping an eye on Minimoose!"

((I couldn't keep an eye on him. I was initiating the missile launch.))

"SILENCE!"

((I have detected another alien source. This one is in the elev-))

"I said be QUIET! Get DIB out of here. And I want that missile fired at Meekrob."

((I can't do both at the same time, Master-))

"Try then!"

A sigh issued from the computer.

Ren, who had overheard all of this from the inside of the elevator, stepped out onto the floor. She heard a strange shuffling noise, and several clicks, come from the ceiling in another room. She turned the corner and saw two eyes staring straight at her.

The result was immediate. Quick as a flash Ren leapt back and raised both guns threateningly, with a rabid-dog look on her face. With a loud 'BANG' and an equally loud 'NYEH', Dib crashed to the ground in shock. His eyes grew even wider than they rightfully should, and he backed off. By that point Ren recognized Dib and lowered both guns to her side, though still having the crazy, paranoid trademark Ren look with a hint of relief.

"Phew, I thought you we—" She stopped to see Dib putting a finger up to his mouth, and Ren got the idea that they should be quieter. They both waited to hear for anyone coming, but nothing happened.

Dib whispered as he took a rope from his belt, "How did you get in here? It's usually really hard."

Ren shrugged. "I walked through the front door."

"You what?"

One of Ren's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, 'I what'? I just walked in. Are you hiding something?"

"Wha-No! But how did you get in? There are Zim's lawn gnomes just to prevent that!"

"Gnomes? Is that what they were? Well, they didn't do anything, they just sat there."

"But-But-BUT-"

* * *

Zim's fingers slid over the original blueprints for his plan. Such an ingenious plan it was. It was well worth the months he had worked on it- he had even made the first idea not far after landing on the wretched Earth. He chuckled softly to himself, remembering its very first draft. How stupid it was to think he could get laser weasels to have the same effect as the amazing missile of his?

Yes, it may have taken months- he lost count of how many- but finally, his plan was complete. And no one had suspected anything of it. Stupid, gullible humans. Even the Dib didn't know what was going on.

...The Dib!

He thought he heard a bump from one of his many hallways. "Computer! Have you found Dib yet? I think he's trying to interfere with the PLAN!"

((The missile launch initiation is more important. I can't handle both at once-))

"Okay, fine then. GIR!"

"Yes sir!" He appeared by Zim's feet, ready for a command. Zim tried to get over his initial shock from this and continue with what he was saying.

"GIR! Since the computer is 'not able to handle both at once-'" he punctuated this sharply, rolling his eyes and crooking his fingers to illustrate the quotation marks- "you will have to check on the missile launcher. NOBODY can get near it. Do you understand me? Or will I have to fix you again?"

"Heheheheee!"

"GIR!"

((Perhaps you should put it in crazier terms.))

There was silence, apart from the tapping of GIR's feet as he ran around the room.

"AHA!" Zim shouted. "I've got it!" He grabbed GIR by his antennae as the little blue-eyed monster ran by. "GIR, go to the big room with the big round rocket. Make sure none of the humans get near it."

"But I don't wanna! Wassa rocket? WHAAAAT'S A ROOOOOOOCKEEEEEET?"

Zim sighed. "GIR..." he said, his voice dripping with persuasion, "if you keep your eye on the big, SHINY rocket, there will be Earth cake. Lots of, eh, 'chocolate' on it too."

GIR's eyes widened and he stopped short. "CAKE? I love cake! Almost as much as I love tacos!"

"When did you ever try this Earth cake?" Zim said suspiciously.

"I found it," GIR said.

"Ah-huuuh... Look! Just go keep an eye on the big shiny rocket!"

"Okiedokie!" GIR said, running off goofily in the wrong direction.

Zim's eyes narrowed and he yelled, "GIR! The rocket is THAT WAY. To your right!" GIR ran another direction. Zim tried to count to 10 to calm his nerves. He got to 1. "YOUR OTHER RIGHT GIR."

"Ohh yeah..." GIR sped off, arms flailing, this time to the missile launch room.

"I hope that robot is actually going to do what I told him to." Zim sighed. Wait! The noise! During his amazing cleverness he had completely forgotten the noise! Antennae perked up and listening for any sound in the general direction of the earlier thud, he thought he heard a faint noise. He listened closer. Dib's voice could be heard.

"I can't do ANYTHING can I? I have to get the FILthy... STINKing... DIB-HUMAN out of here!" Zim didn't know where, exactly, the Dib was, but he ran off to the elevator room, where the noise had been near.  
As he approached the elevator, Zim skidded to a stop. "No! Wait! My ingenious plan! Who could be monitoring it? Who? How-"

((Missile launch preparing in one minute.))

"Computer! I'm glad you're here!"

((Aren't I... ALWAYS here?))

"Huh? Eh.. BE QUIET! I forgot what I was going to say. It's YOUR fault Computer. Just... just get the missile ready, ZIM must... must... eh..."

((Heat sources nearby.))

* * *

Dib silently used the claw mechanism on his suit to get back up into the ceiling. Okay, so maybe it wasn't silent. So maybe it made a little clink. So maybe he hit his head on a wire and screamed a little.

Ren clumsily leapt up to the ceiling, barely nabbing a wire and pulling herself up and climbing into the tangle of metal. She secured herself a spot on a thicker limb a couple feet from Dib, who could only be seen by a small reflection of his glasses.  
Not a moment later, Zim turned a corner into the room, muttering to himself as his eyes darted left and right and making hand gestures to illustrate words that no one could hear. He kept a fast pace across the room below the two, who refused to breathe.

Ren eyed the alien from the shadows of the ceiling wires.

_An alien. AN ALIEN. No, THE alien_.

Trembling slightly, she dropped her hands into her pockets. The reassuring cold gun brought a hint of strength back into her.

They also nagged her. Taunted, pleaded, BEGGED. It would take one shot and this scary nightmare would be over. Her hands gripped them tighter and she slowly pulled them out. They glinted just a little, but he hadn't seen. They were screaming in her head to just finish it all. Despite it, she was careful with the trajectory. Aiming, aiming... one eye narrowed and concentration on her target...

She heard some barely audible shuffling noises and turned her head to see Dib shaking his head frantically. Conflicted, Ren slowly put her guns back into her jacket pocket. She took another glance at the alien, concentration broken and target lost. She hoped fervently she was right to trust Dib and not shoot.

Zim had turned a corner. He was gone.

Ren looked back to where Dib had been, only to find his image melting into the wires of the ceiling and following Zim. Looking back over his shoulder, he motioned Ren to follow him.

She hesitated. After the emotional shock of seeing the alien that had previously DESTROYED her already completely screwed up mind with the tests, she wasn't sure she was so peachy about tagging along with Dib anymore.

Unfortunately, he wasn't as patient and kept on climbing through the tangles. The darkness seemed to eat him as he climbed farther and farther away.

Ren continued forward.

They kept reasonably far away from Zim; far enough so that he wouldn't notice, but close enough to follow him. Muttering loudly to himself, Zim walked up to an imposing door. It slid open instantly and in front of all six eyes an enormous missile came into view.

Ren lost hold of the wires in shock. Clambering slightly, Dib turned and shot a claw her way. It caught on to her a split second before her landing face-first into the metal floor. She gagged as it yanked her up back into the wires.

Zim turned around. A noise. Noises. What are all these noises. I can't... the mission. He looked above into the wires and saw...nothing. Just darkness. He'd need to remind himself to put more lights in these hallways. He growled to himself and just imagined all the horrible things he could do to Dib once he got all of this over with.

He started humming. That was a good thought.

At this, he walked out of the missile room, trying to remember why he was coming in here in the first place.

GIR was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Dib and Ren dropped from the ceiling and ran full speed to reach the inside of the launch room before the automatic door shut. Dib made it easily. Ren got in with not a millisecond to spare.

Dib viewed the room. "Okay. We've gotten in here. That's a start." Noises like Zim's annoying laughter bled through the thick door. "Zim's probably going to check in here again, so someone should keep watch." He looked over at Ren, who was eying the room like it was full of monsters. He had a feeling that she'd shoot a dust bunny eight times through if it crossed her path. "I'll keep watch. Look over there, do you see the controls?"

"Yeah..."

"You know how to operate a joystick right?"

"I guess so. Who doesn't?"

"Well those controls look like a joystick and a button. Zim's going to fire the missile to Meekrob, so we have to change the flight path of the missile. It shouldn't be too difficult. Let me know if you have questions." He climbed up to the ceiling. "Make sure you have a place to hide if Zim comes back."

"Okay..."

Ren faced the launch. It gave her comfort that it reminded her of an arcade machine. The giant screen hovering in front of her read "**SEND MISSILE(S) TO THIS PLANET?**" at the top. Underneath there was a picture of a blue planet. To the left of the planet read "**MEEKROB**".

She was surprised how simple it was. She moved the joystick to the right. Now there was another, different blue planet. The screen read "**BLORCH**".

She moved it to the right again to see "**EVALIA**".

"**CALLNOWIA**."

"**CONVENTIA**."

"**IRK**."

She stopped and stared at the planet. It looked kind of menacing in itself. The colors freaked her out.

"Hey Dib," Ren whispered, "What's this planet?"

He glanced at the screen, frowned, and continued with surveillance. "Irk is Zim's home planet."

Ren looked back at the planet. If Zim was any example of the aliens that came from that planet, then they deserved to be destroyed. "So...we could fire it there." Her eyes glazed over. They deserved it. They really, really deserved it. She hovered her hand over the red button, fingers twitching.

Dib looked back and extended his frown. "I would rather it- Wait! Zim! HIDE!"

Ren panicked and dove behind the machine. It was a tight fit. Zim walked in humming again, the door "shoof"ing open instantly. He stopped and viewed the room.

"GIR!" he shouted.

There was no answer.

"...GIR..."

Still none.

"Did you- NO! You must have left your post! WHY, GIR, WHY?" he said, falling to his knees dramatically and screaming to no one.

* * *

GIR snatched a wire from the ceiling. "Dis one's all shiny!" He gnawed at it. "It...doesn't taste good!" he said frustrated.

His eyes flew open an electric shock coursed through his robot body. "WHEEEEE-HOOOO!" He yanked the wire from the ceiling, ripping it off completely, shooting violent sparks. GIR wore the wire around his neck. "I'M SO PRETTY!" he screeched, giggling as his body radiated and flowed through his body.

"WEEEEEE-HUHUHHOOOOOO!"

He ran off euphorically, in no particular direction at all.

His face slammed into a door, which happened to be the entrance to the launch room. It opened and he fell face flat onto the ground, still giggling like a maniac. Getting up onto his feet, he screamed loud enough to hurt Zim's antennae, who had been alerted to the robots entrance from its screaming. The alien eyed the robot with annoyance, still in his dramatic "on-his-knees-screaming-whyyyyy" position.  
He covered his antennae, wincing. "GIR! You're even worse than normal today! OF ALL DAYS."

"EEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHHEHEE!" GIR continued, oblivious to his master with the electricity whirling around him like he was a power strip.

Zim brushed himself off as he stood up to deal with the android. "You HAVE to stop that! Where'd you get that cord from anyway?" He huffed, making his way toward GIR. "Probably something having to do with the missile launch, knowing you," he said, irritated. He pulled rubber gloves out of his PAK and grabbed the electric GIR, holding him firmly in place while removing the cord. GIR lowered his head. "I wanted to be a shocky piggy," he said sadly. Zim ignored the comment. "LISTEN GIR! You have to not mess with ANYTHING. Do what you're supposed to for once?"

GIR looked up at Zim, and said barely audibly, "I don't want to."

"AH! A coherent sentence! That's a start!"

* * *

Dib and Ren watched this scene unfold. Behind the machine, Ren looked back at the button, not four feet away. She couldn't wait for another opportunity. she gathered her courage and lunged for the button.

Zim's antennae flew up and his head whipped around. "What? WHO-" He glanced up at the screen. His eyes widened in fear. Dib's head popped up from his hiding spot. "NO! REN, DON'T PUSH-"

It was too late.

Alarms screeched. Red lights flared. The screen lit up bright red.

_**TARGET ACQUIRED: IRK**_.


End file.
